


Too Late

by OnyxSardonyx



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 10:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnyxSardonyx/pseuds/OnyxSardonyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years is a long time - and sometimes, after ten years, it's just too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Late

The call from Steven Moffat is surprising, though not entirely unexpected.

“Matt - we're organising a party for the anniversary of the Eleventh Doctor leaving, and the Twelfth Doctor coming to the show. It's going to be a sort of reunion thing for you and the others, Karen and Arthur already said they'll be there - are you going to come?”

Matt doesn't even think twice. “Of course I'll come.”

They spend a few minutes catching up, then Steven tells him where and when the party will be. Matt eventually hangs up because Sarah still needs to have dinner, but he promises Moffat he will come and is very much aware that he hasn't asked the question that burns most at the back of his mind. _Will Alex be there?_

He pushes the uncomfortable thought away and has dinner with his daughter. Sarah is going to be four next month; right now, she lives with him but goes to stay with her mother and new stepfather every two weeks. Matt and Daisy split up on friendly terms after Daisy fell in love with Andrew; Matt can't really hold it against his wife when he has spent most of the early years of his marriage pining after another woman. He has finally learned to forget Alex, to be happy for her, and to live as well as he could with Daisy and his daughter. But the pain is always there, a nearly constant nagging at his heart, the small but persistent voice that reminds him of that woman, that gorgeous, incredible woman that he lost his heart to more than ten years ago...

If only he had the courage to tell her. Heaven only knows what might have happened if he had told her. He tried to, many times, but then pulled back in the last moment, only to chastise himself later for being a coward. He married Daisy, he has loved her, given her everything and has tried to forget Alex - he still remembers the day of Alex's wedding, the way he smiled at her and congratulated her and gone back to his hotel room afterwards to cry his eyes out for the rest of the night. He has lost her - once and for all.

But that doesn't keep him from thinking about her all the time, and even more since his divorce. They had lost contact a while ago and Matt doesn't want to bother her. But he thinks of her all the time.

  
  


  
  


He takes Sarah with him because Moffat mentioned that Karen and Arthur's kid will be there - Jack, a lovely boy whose age Matt struggles to remember. He's definitely older than Sarah, if only by a few years. Matt suspects that other children will be there as well, so Sarah won't be lonely or bored.

It's brilliant, seeing Kaz and Darvill again and catching up. The two of them are still as happy together as they ever could be, and Matt can see that they will probably love each other for eternity. It just makes him sad. He feels horribly lonely since Daisy is gone, and he doesn't know if he will ever feel as happy as Karen and Arthur.

And then she walks in.

He doesn't notice her at first. He sees her across the room and is instantly drawn towards her. Her hair is done up in a complicated way that makes her look even more beautiful. She smiles easily, her hand on the arm of the man next to her - her husband, Marc. She must be something around sixty now, but Matt still doesn't see her as old. In fact, he has difficulty seeing her as anything but the lost love of his life.

He manages to resist for a few minutes, then he finally goes over to her.

Her smile is radiant when she sees him. “Matt! How lovely to see you.” She kisses him on the cheek, and he breathes in the faint scent of her hair. God, he'd missed her.

“Kingston,” he says calmly, not letting any of his emotions show. “It's been a while.”

“It has, Matt,” she answers with a breezy smile and turns around. “Marc - you remember Matt, right? He was at the wedding.”

Which was also, incidentally, the last time he saw her. He remembers it well. Pushing away the memories, he shakes Marc's hand. Alex and he seem very happy together. Matt just hopes he's treating her well, because she deserves nothing else.

They chat for a while, and then Matt leaves them alone to find Karen and Arthur because he can't bear to be in Alex's presence and to see how absolutely happy she is with the man at her side. It occurs to him that he might only be so sensitive because he's freshly divorced; but right now, Matt doesn't have anyone and is very, very certain that there is one woman in the world that he would love to be with... more than anyone else.

He excuses himself from Karen and Arthur and finds Sarah - she's happily playing in a corner with the other children and doesn't seem to need him. Matt feels a bit useless and decides to go outside for a little bit of fresh air.

There's nobody else outside, and Matt digs in his pocket for a cigarette and a lighter - he hates just standing around doing nothing. He lights his cigarette and takes a deep drag, keeping the smoke in his lungs for longer than necessary. The smoke scratches the back of his throat. He sighs softly, trying not to think about Alex.

Which proves to be impossible, for obvious reasons.

“I thought you'd given up smoking.”

One of the reasons being that she's out here with him. She takes a few steps until she's standing next to him, their shoulders almost touching. Matt takes another drag and blows out the smoke through his mouth before answering.

“I did. I didn't smoke for years. But then I divorced, and I started again.” It's not like he smokes a lot. No more than five cigarettes a day. Well, not usually, anyway. He offers his cigarette to Alex, who takes it.

“I thought you didn't smoke,” he says softly as she takes a drag.

“Only sometimes,” she answers just as quietly.

For a moment, they just stand in silence.

Then Alex says, “I'm sorry about Daisy.”

“It's okay,” he mutters quickly. “It's not like it wasn't - I mean, I shouldn't be surprised that she fell for another guy, I could never really give her what she needed.”

She turns around slightly and looks at him properly for the first time this evening - for the first time in years.

“Why is that?”

“Because I spent most of my time with her pining for another woman”, Matt answers after a moment's hesitation. He tries not to think about the fact that the woman in question is standing right next to him. Instead, he wonders if this is it. The opportunity to tell her how he feels about her, coming ten years too late.

“Oh,” Alex whispers. Then, “Who?”

He turns and looks at her, looks directly into her green eyes, her beautiful, beautiful eyes. Holding her gaze steadily, he slowly raises his hand to brush her curls back behind her ear.

“Don't you know?” he breathes so softly that he isn't even sure she hears him. He holds her gaze for a long, long second, then she turns around, her expression unreadable, and vanishes inside.

Matt sighs deeply and stubs out his cigarette. He's vaguely tempted to light another one, just so he doesn't have to face the people inside.

In a way, he is saved by the small figure of his daughter coming outside. “Daddy?”

“Yes, poppet?”

“I'm tired. Can we go home?”

He picks her up and holds her against him with a smile. “Of course we can, darling.”

  
  


  
  


He gets a phone call late that night.

“Matt? It's - it's me, Alex.”

“Alex,” he says quietly.

“I'm - look, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for earlier. I was a bit overwhelmed, to be honest.”

“It's okay,” he quickly cuts in.

“Didn't know what to say, so I just ran away. I'm so sorry, Matt.”

“Alex, it's okay. Stop apologising, it's okay.”

It's really not okay, but he understands her completely. She was probably freaked out by him. He's still not really sure what he expected; all things considered, their conversation probably went well.

“Marc is flying back to America tomorrow,” she says after a moment of silence.

Matt doesn't say anything. Why is she telling him this? Marc..? Without her?

“I'll be staying for another week - do you want to meet, you know... have dinner or something?”

She's actually... asking him out. Sort of. In a way. With her husband on a different continent.

“Dinner sounds great,” he answers, trying to ignore how dry his mouth suddenly feels.

“Okay,” she says. He can hear from her voice that she's nervous, but excited. “Tomorrow too soon?”

  
  


  
  


Dinner with Alex is slightly awkward. They talk about little things first, unimportant things, the weather, politics, random things. Neither of them dares to mention the huge, uncomfortable _thing_ that sits between them. Matt knows they will have to talk about it sooner or later, but he also knows that the outcome will most likely just be painful, so he tries to put it off. And Alex doesn't seem to have a huge desire to talk about it either.

When their food arrives, they sit in silence and eat, even though Matt barely manages to swallow. His mouth is dry, and he can't shake off the feeling that Alex feels just as awkward as him. He shoots glances in her direction between bites, and, more often than not, finds her staring back at him. It's distracting; he focuses on his meal and tries to get as much of it down as possible.

The mood lightens a little bit when Alex asks about Sarah. Matt talks about his daughter fondly, then asks Alex how Salome is doing - he still remembers Alex's little girl well, though years have passed since he saw her last. Alex tells him that Salome is at college now; they don't see each other very often, but apparently, she's enjoying her studies and has a boyfriend and seems to be very happy. Matt tries to wrap his head around the concept of little Salome going to college, living on her own, having a boyfriend. He fails utterly.

“I miss her,” he says without thinking. He remembers the days when he was still the Doctor, when he and Alex filmed together, when they were so close... but not nearly close enough.

Alex gives him a sharp look and doesn't comment on his words.

They split the bill and step outside of the restaurant. The awkwardness is back in a second.

“Look, Matt -” Alex says quietly, but he shakes his head. He doesn't want to discuss this right here, right now, in the middle of a busy street, possibly with fans and camera phones watching them. They're still celebrities, after all, even though they're no longer on Who. 

“Let's go for a walk? In the park, maybe? It's not far from here.”

Alex nods and turns around in the general direction of the park. It's getting dark and quieter as they make their way there. The park itself is almost deserted, and Matt is grateful for that. They find a bench in a remote area of the park; it's unlikely there are camera phones here, and it's even more unlikely that pictures will be taken in which their faces are recognisable. They sit down, and Matt fidgets and tries to find words but none will come.

Finally, Alex takes his hand. Their fingers interlace and Matt holds his breath. Her skin is warm and soft, and he just wants to hold her. She's closer to him now than she has ever been... well, off set, at least.

“You never said anything,” she murmurs.

Matt swallows painfully.

“I wanted to,” he answers quietly. “But I never...”

She squeezes his hand lightly, and he stops talking. He doesn't know what to say anyway. He never what? He never got the chance? He had plenty of opportunities to tell her how he felt. He never had the courage to tell her? He sometimes did, but somehow the time was never right. Fate just had been against him.

Or maybe, just maybe, he had just been a coward.

“It's too late now, anyway,” Alex says, mirroring his thoughts.

He sighs, cherishes the feeling of her hand in his, knowing full well that this might be the most he will ever get from her.

“You know,” she whispers, turning to look at him. Once again, Matt loses himself in her eyes and has to fight the urge to caress her cheek, to pull her closer.

“I was crazy about you at the time.”

Matt stares at her, taking a while to process what she just said.

“But... but...”

Alex nods, and Matt could hit himself. He could have had something with Alex, a long time ago, if only he had been brave enough to say something.

“Why didn't you ever say anything?” he asks softly.

“I didn't - I didn't want to, I didn't think - I'm so much older than you, Matt, I never thought that you would want someone like me.”

There are tears shimmering in her eyes now, and Matt feels like he's about to cry as well. He cups her face in his hands.

“Alex, it was always you. There was never anyone else. I never loved anyone the way I love you.”

She pulls away slightly and Matt's hands drop to his sides, useless.

“It's too late now, Matt,” she says. Her voice sounds steady. “I got over you a long time ago.”

Obviously. He still remembers the way she looked at the party with Marc.

“You're obviously very happy with him,” he voices his memories.

She nods, her smile contradicting the tears still glittering in her eyes. Without warning, her hand shoots up and pulls him closer.

They've kissed before, but always as the Doctor and River; this is different. This time, it's Matt and Alex, and it lasts a few seconds in which Matt takes in the sweet taste of her lips and hesitantly slides his tongue over her lower lips, asking to deepen the kiss. Alex moans softly into his mouth before pulling away quite suddenly. Matt can see that she's crying for real now, and he can feel tears on his own cheeks as well.

Completely unbidden, words from the script for River's and the Doctor's first kiss rise to his mind.

_There's a first time for everything._

_And a last time._

“I'm sorry,” Alex whispers.

He looks at her for a long moment.

“Don't be.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Mattex Fic Exchange for stormcages.  
> The prompt was: "Ten years after River and Eleven’s final season, Matt, recently divorced with a four-year-old daughter, reunites with Alex, Karen, and Arthur. Karen and Arthur are married happily with their own seven-year-old son, and Alex is happily married again as well. Matt laments his missed chance."


End file.
